Finding balance between parenting and your career can be successfully done if a plan of action is followed. As a Parent Coach I see parents from all social and financial backgrounds with difficulties raising their children and maintaining a successful career. As I have told all the parents that I speak with, career and family can be a struggle, but can be maintained – successfully.
I have listed a few questions below that are most commonly asked by parents just like you. These parents want to find the answers so that they can find the balance that is required to keep and maintain a healthy family life that includes parenting and their career.
Balancing Career and Family
What advice do you have for parents with careers, going to school and raising children?
The average parent today has to struggle between work, raising their children and maintaining their household. And as parents, it is easy to find yourself lost in the struggle. Either they are paying too much attention to work and not enough at home or vice-versa. It is imperative to have a balance. You do not want to give up on your own personal goals and dreams because you have become a parent. Some of those dreams may include a professional career and in order to achieve that your goal may be to go back to school for higher education. Going to school requires a lot of dedication, motivation and time. When you have children, time management becomes a bigger key factor in your life. Every minute of the day has to account for something productive. You have to find time for your studies and homework but you also have to find time to spend with your children. If you are already working, this task becomes even more difficulty but not impossible. You have to use your time wisely. Figure out the needs and wants of your day. I suggest, if your kids are old enough to help you out around the house that you start implementing a chores system. It does not have to be much but every little bit that they can do will help you in the long run, not to mention it begins teaching them responsibility.
You may also have to eliminate things that are not as important as they use to be or things that you just do not have time for any longer. You should not over extend yourself but committing to other engagements or taking on any additional responsibilities. This may all seem overwhelming and it may be at times, but you and your family will adjust to the new routine after a while. The important thing is not to give up. Keep trying different time management scenarios until you find the one that best suits you.
How do you advise out-of-work parents to keep stability in the home?
With today’s economy as it is, more and more parents are out of work. If for whatever reason you find yourself in this situation, it is important to take action right away. Do not continue to live as if you had your weekly income. Your first step should be to create a budget that reflects the new household income. If you have a spouse, then include that. If any of your children are working and contribute to the house include that. If you will collect unemployment or social security, include that. Whatever income you may be expecting should be listed. Now make a list of all your current expense items and their amounts. Go down that list and see which items can be scaled down or eliminated altogether. At a time like this, you will have to be drastic so eliminations may include cable or internet service. You need to minimize and/or alleviate as many expenses as possible. Once you are back on your foot and working again, you may be able to restore some of those services after a while.
Your next step should be to have a family meeting. Everyone that lives in your household should be present. Explain to them your new situation and that things are going to be tight, even little uncomfortable for a while and everyone will be needed to contribute and pull their weight. Contributing does not only mean financially. Your children can contribute by making sure they turn off the lights and appliances if they are not using them, saving on the electric bill. They can monitor their eating and drinking intake by having smaller servings or cooking so that money is not spent on take out. They can also contribute by taking care of the things they currently have so it does not have to be replaced. There are many ways to contribute in a situation like this and everyone must be expected to do so. Communication will be a large factor throughout this time. People are more supporting and likely to help if they are updated and know what’s going on. This includes children. To assume that children are too young to understand or to help out would be a huge misconception and mistake on your part. They may turn out to be your biggest supporters.
How can working parents maintain a healthy home with children with active lives – sports, work, socializing, etc.?
Keeping a balance between work and parenting can be very challenging especially when your children are involved in many activities. However, keeping up with their social life is just as important as maintaining your career and bringing in the household income. As I said before, it is challenging but doable. You must always make time for your children. The easiest way to stay abreast of what is going on with them is by asking them. Make sure that the opportunity for dialogue between you and your child is always open. At some point every day you should be speaking to your child about their day and yours. Find out what they are up to, if they are having in problems, who their friends are and what they are like. Make sure that most of these conversations are face to face so that you get a good sense of their body language and facial expressions. You can learn a lot about a person just by watching their movements. Next, make time to attend some of their events or activities. The ones that you cannot attend, make sure that it was communicated beforehand so they are not expecting you and become disappointed when you do not show up. Do not assume that your child understands that you have to work and that is why you are not around. Speak to them. Explain it to them in a way that they understand.
Although everyone in the household may be busy and have conflicting schedules, arrange to have a family night at least once a month. It can be an in house or outdoor activity/event. But, it is important to do things periodically as a family unit. It is also important to eat dinner together as a family. Many families are not doing this anymore and it takes a lot away from getting to know one another. Everyday life issues are important but in the process you cannot lose yourself or your family. That has to be your priority.
What advice do you give for parents who travel and are not home on a regular basis with their children?
If you are a parent that travels, whether mother or father, this is a huge sacrifice you are making for both you and your child. There is a lot that will be lost and if you do not want your relationship to be lost then you have to make sure that you go the extra mile to reassure your child that you are still there for them and have not deserted them. As always, communication is key. You should be calling to speak to your child as often as possible preferably in the morning and at night before bed. Children want to feel safe and loved and those are the times that they tend to feel most vulnerable. So a good morning and good night call will help them get their day off on the right foot and end it the same way. Also, make sure your child has your contact information as well.
Knowing what’s going on in their lives is going to be very important; so during your conversations be sure to ask specific questions about their day, school, friends and activities. Keep in contact with the other parent or guardian so that you are in the loop with everything that is happening in your child’s life. The child may not remember or be willing to tell you everything. You cannot buy a child’s affection but an occasional “I am thinking of you” present will not hurt. If possible, during school breaks arrange for the child to travel with you. I would also recommend that you make sure that your child has a mentor, someone they can confide in about their feelings towards your absenteeism. Children may understand your reason for not being around but that does not mean they like or know how to handle it. So just be very careful and watch for signs of withdrawal and/or disobedience. These are normal reactions but must be dealt with right away before it gets out of control.
A traveling parent can be complicated but sometimes it’s unavoidable. In those cases, you have to make every moment that you are with your child count. Do not get distracted by taking phone calls or watching television. The time you do have and the way you spend it will be crucial for the both of you.
Hopefully these answers will aid you in finding balance in parenting and your career and guide you to a better understanding of how you can maintain a functional and successful family life.
