SEX! SEX! SEX! With all the talk about sex these days, why bother talking more about it? That’s just it! With all the talk about sex these days, it is imperative that parents talk about it to their children. Sex is found everywhere. Your child is going to hear about it, see it and experience it one way or another. That is why the parents should be the 1st ones to talk to them about it. But there are guidelines – ways of talking to each individual child about sex. Each child takes in information differently. As parents, it is your job to know your child and teach them about sex in the best way that they can comprehend.
If you feel that your child is too young and not interested in learning about sex or physical attractions, then I wouldn’t go into it at the dinner table. But if you see that your child’s behavioral patterns display interest in the opposite sex, then by all means – “Hello, Dear! How was your day? Have you been kissing boys…pass the potatoes, please?”
Seriously, the best way to talk to your child about sex is in a way that he or she feels comfort. If you have to pull out the dolls or sketch pad, then do what it takes to teach them. But just keep in mind that your child will learn from you or someone else. It’s up to YOU, as the parent, to be the voice of logic and reasoning.
Below are very common questions that parents have when they are talking to their child about sex or are questioning themselves about when to do so. Read them over and find out if you should be having the sex talk or not.
What is a good age to start talking to a child about sex?
You introduce your child to the topic of sex from the time they are old enough to understand the names of their body parts. You want your child to understand what their body parts are, why they are important and why they are sacred. That is sex talk just on a baby level. As for the more explicit meanings and nature of sex, you have to know and observe your child. If your child’s body is developing, whether breast or hair, you know it’s time to begin the talk. If your child is having wet dreams or taking long showers, you know it’s time to have the talk. If your child is constantly talking about the opposite sex in a way that implies they are ready to date, then you know it’s time to have the talk. Every child is different; and the age where they begin asking questions and understanding about their bodies, the opposite sex and sex as a whole is also different. You have to know when your child is ready to handle the “sex” conversation.
Is there a specific way that a parent should approach a child about the issues of sex?
There is no specific way to approach your child about the issue of sex. In today’s society, your child may already know more than you think they do so you may want to start there. Ask them what they already know or what have they heard? From their response, you will know what you need to correct or what you need to elaborate on. Children are hearing things from their friends, from the media and from school, so you need to make sure that you clarify any untruths or misconceptions your child may have about sex and STD’s for that matter.
The topic of sex is usually uncomfortable for both parent and child. The parent is afraid of saying too much or too little. The child is afraid of their parent’s responses. However, as the parent, you do not want to embarrass your child, so make sure that the conversation is personal and private. You do not want to come across aggressive or upset because your child will shut down and be afraid to communicate other experiences or thoughts they may be having. Ask a lot of questions and do a lot of listening, then render YOUR OPINION. It is important that you understand that you are not telling your child what to do; you are offering advice and giving them the necessary tools and information to make a positive informed decision on their own. It is equally important for your child to understand that this is their life and the decisions that are made will be theirs to contend with in the long run. Explain that your role is simply to listen and give advice but the choice is ultimately theirs.
Should parents question their children about their sexual experiences?
Parents should definitely question whether or not their child is sexually activity. You should not just ask once; you should ask periodically because you never know when the answer changes. Do not expect them to volunteer the information. However, you need to be observant. There are subtle signs that may give their sexual status away, especially for girls. Their bodies begin to change – develop or full out more. They become that much more secretive around the house. You can even look for personality changes. If you really know your child, the signs will give them away.
Depending on the relationship you have developed with your child, you may get away with asking more intimate details. However, sex is and should be a private matter. Would you want your child or anyone else asking you intimate details of your love life? Take that into consideration when approaching your child with certain questions. Although they are children, there are certain details that should remain private. As a parent, you should also teach your child about the importance of keeping their sex life private.
If you suspect your child is sexually active, take them to the pediatrician and let the doctor exam them and speak to them about sex, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy and birth control. You can and should follow up with your own conversation thereafter. But there are times when some children prefer to discuss these matters with a neutral party. Do not be insulted or get your feelings hurt if your child does not come to you. The main objective is to put your child in touch with someone you trust will give them the best advice and tools needed so they can make good decisions for their future.
At what age should a parent discuss birth control with their child?
Birth control is a topic that should be discussed when you are having the initial in depth sex talk. Birth control should be discussed with both males and females. It is a bad misconception that people have when they feel that birth control is the female’s responsibility. Well keep in mind, when the baby comes, neither parent is exempt from responsibility. However, if your daughter gets her period and you haven’t had the sex conversation with her yet, then that would be the time to have it. If you have had the sex talk before her period, then once her cycle begins you should reinforce the conversation again with a follow up visit to her pediatrician.
It is important when you are having these conversations that you stay focused on the main objective. The main objective is to give your child all the information he/she needs to know to make informed decisions. You want to talk about the opposite sex from a neutral standpoint. Do not give your opinion. Stick to the facts. Your child will have to formulate his/her own opinion through their experiences not yours. Discuss the pros and cons of having sex as a teenager. Telling your child not to have sex is almost a sure invitation to the bedroom. So once again, stick to the facts. Provide information on the various forms of contraceptives for both males and females. You want to talk and show pictures (if available) about the different sexually transmitted diseases that can occur if the right conception is not used. Lastly, you want to give your child an opportunity to ask questions or make comments.
Parents……You must do your research. Be prepared when having this conversation the same that you prepare for your business meeting at work. This is an important topic and although you are not giving your opinion, if the information is conveyed correctly, they will follow the path you want them to.
How can a parent prevent their child from having premarital sex?
There is no sure way to prevent your child from having premarital sex outside of monitoring their every move. Even that will only work until that turn 18. You can talk to your child about abstinence and why you feel that is the route they should take. However, to be safe, you should also talk to them about sex. Do not think if you don’t speak to them about sex that they won’t know. The difference will be that they will know all the things they hear from other people and other sources. Is this the knowledge and/or images you really want your child to have about sex? Talk to you children about all the options that are available to them. Trust in your communication with your child. Trust in the knowledge that you have bestowed upon them. Trust them to make informed decisions and let them know that you are there for them whether they choose abstinence or sex.
